Understanding
by SangEtOr
Summary: Oneshot. Set post New Moon. Bella and Edward are in their meadow, when things get a little bit heated. As always, Edward is quick to cool things off, but Bella is frustrated and unwilling to let it go. This time, she wants an explanation. Please review!


BPOV

Rays of golden sunlight broke through the towering canopy of green that surrounded us in angular beams, shattering as they hit Edward's flawless face and chest, the rainbow shards scattering themselves across our meadow and dancing as he moved. His face was completely still, eyes closed in a beautiful expression of peace, but his fingers drifted over my arm, drawing lazy circles with the faintest of touches, raising goose bumps on my skin. We had been lying here for hours, I was sure of it. We hardly moved, but we didn't need to. I was more than happy to lie here staring at my angel, and he seemed very content to lie next to me, basking in the sunlight.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, partly out of honest curiosity, but partly because I knew he would look at me when he answered, and it had been entirely too long since I'd seen his mesmerizing golden eyes.

Turning to face me, his eyes locked with mine, and he gave me that beautiful crooked smile that I love so much. He raised one eyebrow and said, "Isn't that my line?"

"I'm borrowing it for a while." I laughed, waiting for his response. He took a deep breath before answering.

"I was thinking about sleep actually." He admitted.

"Sleep?" I asked quizzically. I knew for a fact that it had been over 80 years since he had slept, or felt the need to sleep. Maybe he missed it; though I couldn't imagine why anyone would miss having half of their lives go by them without being conscious for it.

"Being with you… I remember all kinds of things about being human that I never had to, or even wanted to before. Especially recently, I've been thinking about sleep. Many times I've wished that I could sleep so that I could dream of you. I wished for that so often last year…" He trailed off for a moment, and a sadness that I was all too familiar with clouded his eyes. He always had difficulty talking about when he'd left me. I did too, of course, but I wished I could make it easier for him.

"But now I was considering another reason, as if I needed any more, that I long to be human for you." He said, his tone lighter now, although the subject was still fairly heavy.

"And what's that?" I asked, lifting my hand to stroke his perfect face and smiling at the rainbows that shone on my palm. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand before speaking.

"I was thinking about how nice it would be to be able to wake up with you. I was trying to imagine how wonderful it would feel to wake up after a beautiful night of lying next to you, asleep, and dreaming about you, to wake up and see you next to me and realize that I get to keep you for at least one more day." He said smiling. When he finished, he opened his eyes, and I was sure he was pretending he had just done what he'd described.

I smiled back at him, realizing that he described what I went through every morning that I woke up next to his perfect face.

"Just think, though," I said, trying to hold back a giggle, "If you were asleep, you would miss all the embarrassing things that I say in my sleep."

He grinned back at me and pulled me closer to him. My heart tried to skip and stumbled. "That is true." He said playfully. His words tickled my ear and my eyes nearly rolled back in their sockets. I only just had enough restraint not to moan out loud and grind myself into him. My control lasted about as long as it took for him to pull his head back and kiss me gently on the lips. My hormones went off like fireworks and my arms wrapped around him like vices. My leg hitched up around Edward's hip, completely of its own accord, and my hips slid forward to grind against his pelvis. His lips promptly froze against mine and he moved, as always, to detach himself from me.

"Please?" I whined, feeling utterly dissatisfied and empty due to the lack of contact.

"Bella…" He all but groaned as he gingerly peeled my hands off his shoulders.

"I don't understand why I can't convince you. You _won't _hurt me!" I complained, turning away from him in frustration.

"Bella." He whispered, his tone screaming, 'we've had this conversation before.' I didn't move. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, though I still would not face him. I couldn't have fought his arms away if I wanted too; he was just too strong, but I couldn't bring myself to try either.

"Bella, you know I wish I could believe that." He whispered sadly.

"So why don't you?" I demanded.

This time there was silence for a moment and I was tempted to turn and look at him, but I feared it would send the wrong message. I didn't want him to think that he was off the hook just yet. I stared down at the pale sparkling arms that wrapped around my waist as he calculated his response.

"Because as much as I want to believe it, and maybe even do believe it," he said, clearly trying to placate me with his amendment, "the fact remains that I can never be one hundred percent sure. You are everything to me, Bella. You are the reason for my existence, and so, so, much more. There is no way that I could risk harming you, or worse, losing you. Even if there is only a one in a million chance that something could happen to you, you are one in far more than a million people. You are simply worth too much to me. Can you understand that?"

I grumbled something incoherent that he must have taken as affirmation, because he kissed the back of my neck lovingly and breathed, "Thank you."

"It's not fair." I mumbled immaturely, and I could feel his chest vibrating against my back when he chuckled lightly. "Why is it so easy for you?"

His laughing stopped rather abruptly and he carefully turned me around to face him, eliciting a scarlet blush from my cheeks. His eyes were intense with emotion that I couldn't quite place as he asked, "Do you really think that this is easy for me, Bella?"

"Edward," I said a little bit condescendingly, as he really should know this by now, "I know it is. You're not the one who nearly faints every time we're in less than a two foot radius." I said, but he didn't laugh as I'd expected he would. Instead he sighed and closed his eyes.

"I don't know how to make you understand how unbelievably tempting you truly are." He whispered huskily, and a shiver ran up my spine. When he opened his eyes they were smoldering with raw animalistic desire, in a way that I had never seen before. In an instant he was on top of me, pinning my arms above my head, burying his face in the crook of my neck. He inhaled deeply and moaned. The sound of it was absolutely the most beautiful and arousing thing I had ever heard. His cool tongue slid from my collarbone all the way up to my ear, leaving a path of wetness behind it. I could not suppress my gasping, nor could I control the circular motion of my hips, rubbing up against the cold, hard bulge that was now pressed flush against me. He pulled his head back and kissed me more passionately than he ever had before, and I thought that I moaned into his lips, though I could not be sure with my head swimming the way that it was. I opened my eyes as he continued to kiss me to see that his were wide open and staring intently into mine. His topaz irises burned with furious desire and intensity that almost scared me. Very slowly, he pulled his mouth away from mine, lifting his head just millimeters, the rest of him completely still.

"Now," He whispered, so low that I could barely hear, "Do you understand?" I'm not sure that I nodded, though I'm certain that I tried.

Still very slowly, he lifted himself off of me and took a step back, closing his eyes yet again. After a few deep unnecessary breaths, he opened his eyes to look at me, still with longing, but decidedly muted from the ferocity that they held before.

"You are so irresistible," he began, stepping towards me and resuming his place lying beside me, "and you are so seductive." He stared me straight in the eyes, not blinking for an inhuman length of time. "You make me want you so badly that I can barely stand it. Trust me, Bella," He said, a tinge of sadness leaking into his tone, "I would love nothing more than to be able to show you just how much I want you."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he held a finger to my lips, a ghost of my favorite crooked smile sneaking onto his face. "Were it not for the inherent danger of making love to you, I promise, rabid werewolves could not keep me away." He winked at me as he said this, cupping my face gently in his hand and placing the lightest of kisses on my lips. It was so soft, in fact, that I almost didn't believe our lips had actually touched. I sighed heavily and wrapped my arms around him once more, this time burying my face in his chest and deeply inhaling his soothing scent.

"I'm sorry." I murmured into his sweater clad pectorals.

"You have nothing to apologize for, my sweet Bella." He said, kissing the top of my head. I could not stifle a yawn, and I realized that the angle of the rays of sunlight in our meadow had changed drastically since we'd gotten there. The bluish glow of twilight hung around us, and a thick bank of clouds was rolling in, promising to cover all traces of the stars by the time the sun was fully set.

"Shall I take you home?" Edward offered, but I shook my head, snuggling into an impossibly more comfortable position against him.

"No… not at the moment. If it's alright with you, I think I'd like to fall asleep here." I said sleepily, amazed at how suddenly and stealthily my fatigue had crept up on me.

"Of course." He said gently, and although I could not see his face, I could hear his smile. I closed my eyes lazily and breathed in more of his gorgeous fragrance, drifting into the world behind my eyes as I heard the first few bars of my lullaby melt away with my consciousness.


End file.
